A New War

Ladies and gentleman, we are at war. And unlike terrorism and the threat of nuclear weapons, this enemy is perhaps more dangerous, because it comes from within. I am, of course, talking about belly fat.

We see the ads screaming from Google and Facebook. "Your tummy is flabby. Your teeth are brown. And you are disgusting."

But we can defeat this menace. With the spread of freedom, peace, and the Bender Ball, and the Crunchless Abs program, we can beat the spread of the spread. Or we can just wear freakin' Spanx. And tell Google to whiten its own damn teeth.