I Can Get Cabs

I am a white chick. Thus, I can get cabs. It's a special talent. Taxis nearly run each other over pick me up. When I'm walking late at night, a cab will inch up next to me, honk it's horn. They solicit me.

It also has to do with the fact that I am a magnet for middle eastern men. I'm very popular at newsstands. My Facebook friends requests looks like a terrorist watch list. "Muhammad Amoud wants to be your friend." I'm not sure if they know I'm a dirty Jew, but at any rate, they're my demographic.

So middle eastern cab drivers want to pick me up. Thus, it was one of the most proud moments of my life when I was able use this gift to secure a cab for a black family.

A family--a man, woman and child--asked me to help them out one night. I put up my hand. The taxi screeched to a halt. The driver smiled broadly, "Where do you need to go?" "South Bronx. Come on, Tyrone." And then the family, all donned in do-rags, including the two year old, climbed in. It was a moment for America. I think Obama is going to give me a Congressional Medal for it. "And for securing a taxi for black people in Times Square...Hilary Schwartz." Thank you.