Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I'll Let You Have Your Privacy

Doctors' offices don't even pretend to be in the service business anymore. "We can squeeze you in tomorrow at 12:30." "Nothing later?" "No, either tomorrow at 12:30 or suffer forever!"

It's gotten to the point that I'm now going to an old male gynecologist, because then I would be one of the only patients. Most are too creeped out to go to men, much less old men anymore. "The Doctor is ready to see you now. He's been ready for a while. When he graduated in 1950, they didn't think women could become doctors."

They have a nurse be in the room with the gyno when he examines you. It's the law. But it just creeps me out more. I wasn't freaked out until she came in. It makes me wonder what would have happened if she weren't there.

Then the gyno said to undress below the waist, sit and put a sheet over me. Then he said, "I'll step out so you can have some privacy." Are you kidding? I'd rather you not waste the couple of minutes going out and the drop the charade. Yes, I have problem with you seeing me from ten feet away, but spread eagle is fine. I don't want to see a penis from across the street, just in my face.

Before I saw a female African-American gynecologist, which I constantly bragged about. I'd work it into conversations where it didn't belong. "Yes, it is hot today. Just like Africa. Speaking of Africa, my gynecologist..."

But not only was she really popular, she was hardly available because she's a genius and got in a practice that treated many Orthodox Jews. So she was constantly in the hospital delivering the Scheckel's eight and ninth babies.

I try to make statements with my choices. I also went to a pet store owned by Palestinians. I didn't even love the store, but when I heard that, I thought, I have to come back. This is the way to heal the rift, one bag of litter at a time. I would have gone to that store longer but they wanted too much land.

I must show my progressiveness. Back during the MySpace age, I would always try to include at least three black people in my top friends. Sometimes, I barely new them. One was my barista I just me that morning. Because I have to show that my life is a rainbow.

Oh, it's starting with the woman in the mirror.