What kind of Jew are you?

There are different types of Jews. There are those with the long skirts, hats, and I don't relate to them so much. I consider them more Amish. You have your Jappy Jews. Some people look at me and just first, cursive glance, may consider me Jappy. But if I were a Jap, I'd be a failed Jap.

No, I'm ot so much Real Housewives, but a social worker-type Jew. The type of Jew who's likely carrying trail mix. One who would teach composition to English as a second language students. Who would adopt a Guatemalan baby to make a statement. Other Jews may run the banks and the media. I'll run the soup kitchen.

The type of Jew who feels really badly about everything. You don't know why but you'll use it.