Mr. Mrs.

At work we keep a database of customers. A co-worker always types the women’s names with “Mrs.” It’s hard enough to keep track of their emails. Now we have to know their marital status? “We’ll set up your account. And by the way, how’s your relationship? Are she and her husband still making whoopee?”

I told him you need to use “Ms” and he said, “You’re such a feminist.” That’s not the point, dimwit. Maybe we shouldn’t be in our customer’s bedrooms. And how do you find out if they’re married? Do you come out and ask? Or just dance around it like, “How many cats do you have? Are you going to die alone?” Well, men die first so that doesn’t prove anything.

What if the customer is a eunuch or thinks of gender as a societal construct?

Mrs. Beatrice Johnson. So formal like it should be in calligraphy. Jesus, this is not a Jane Austin novel. This is a call center!