Hating Sarah Palin Is Like Crack

“I am a Democrat and I am addicted to bashing Sarah Palin.” “Hi, Democrat.”

Bashing Sarah Palin has become a favorite pastime. But it has spun out of control into an all-out addiction. Sure, it started out as recreation. “Hey, I’m making fun of Sarah Palin. I like to party.” But now it’s our crack. It’s cheap. It’s no longer good for us.

Our favorite mantra is “Sarah Palin is so stupid.” Meanwhile, she should be up in Alaska saying, “Democrats are so stupid. They’re bashing me as if I even matter.”

What’s our supposed nightmare? Sarah Palin as the Republican nominee? We should only be so lucky. Obama, at the nadir of his popularity beats her handily.

If we were as smart as we think we are, we should conduct an about-face and unleash an avalanche of Tweets: “Sarah Palin is my hero.” “Wow, she is smart, even if she did kill those people in Tuscon.”

What’s a real nightmare? We all continue to spit out, “I hate Sarah Palim. What an imbecile.” Meanwhile Hail to the Chief is playing to an introduction of President Romney…or Huckabee.”

And why don’t we have as much of a problem with these guys? They’re smarter than Palin. But that’s exactly what petrifies me! That’s what we really need: Someone with the same beliefs as Palin who can actually form sentences.

Listen, I know it’s fun to continue to mock Palin for the third straight year. The tabloids, the imbecility, the fake glasses. It’s gold. But we have to branch out. What is she’s not on Republican ticket? We haven’t developed any other material!

But it’s not easy. What have we got with Mitt Romney? “Mitt? What is that? A name or a baseball glove.” It’s lame.. And as progressives, we don’t want to go after his Mormonism. That is disrespectful and wrong. Although, when it comes to religions, it is one of the funnier ones. Hey, if Romney wins, who will be the First Ladies? Plural. Get it? Okay, you do.

And Huckabee? I hear my fellow liberal friends say, “But he’s such a nice guy,” as if congeniality matters when he stands for everything we’re against? We wouldn’t afford the same leniency to a guest a dinner party. “You supported the invasion of Iraq, are against a woman’s right to choose, and believe homosexuality is a sin against God.” That’s okay, because you are such a nice guy. Yes, please continue to date my sister. More couscous?”


It’s time to take off the “mitts” on these guys. Huckabee’s such a nice guy. Yea, but his weight fluctuates more the Oprah’s. There. It’s done. I broke the cherry. It’s a terrible joke. But the first time is never good.

Or we may have to do the unthinkable and take these men on based on the issues. Believe me. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to read a newspaper with regularity. I would rather just watch Bristol on “Dancing with the Stard.” But we must take the leap sometime.

So next time you’re talking with a bunch of progressive friends and the irresistible urge comes up to hate on Palin, take a deep breath. Ask yourself, “What is this really going to get me?” Yes, it will be a moment of pleasure. But soon you’ll be passed out drunk through the election of the next Republican President.

Let’s at least take the first step and admit we have a problem.